Mother’s Day is coming and I don’t want it too

My mom, me, and baby sis

My mom, me, and baby sis

I miss my mom and mother’s day now sucks.

My mom passed away on September 21, 2014.  It does not seem like it has been that long and sometimes it seems like it has been forever.   She was my biggest cheerleader and my role model.  I miss her every day and most of the time I feel like I have let her down in some vague uncomfortable way.

She was not just my mom but my friend.  She was who I would call to vent to and who I would call to share the latest thing that made me laugh.  She always encouraged me to write and said that my story would always be entertaining.  She believed in me on days when I didn’t and she made sure to give me a kick in the butt when I needed it.

She was not perfect.  She was opinionated and could be very snippy when she did not agree with your opinion.  She made decisions that I know she regretted but she always had the strength to admit and not to repeat it.  She was big hearted and had a terrible laugh (that I inherited.)  She had tiny eyes and could not smoke to save her life.    She was funny and bawdy and let me watch the great Bette Midler when I was 10 and loved that I thought it was hilarious.   She also liked burnt food and claimed it tasted good.

I sometimes disappointed her, more than infuriated her on several occasions, and yet she was always proud of me.  She would tell me what a great mom I was and that meant the world to me because she was always the greatest mom to me.   She taught me a love of music and I inherited her inability to carry a tune.

She loved her grandchildren (all 17 of them) and was Nanny or G-ma.  They all knew they could go to her if they couldn’t go their parents.  They enjoyed going down to Nanny and Pawpaw’s to hang out, help cut the grass, and dirty cups.   She was a huge help during my divorce and provided stability and normalcy to my kids when that was not what they had at home.   She may not have agreed with all of my decisions but she let me make them.

I miss my mom and mother’s day will forever suck.  I appreciate all the effort my kids and hubby make over me on mother’s day but I miss my mom.  I would rather stay in bed with the blankets up to my head and ignore mother’s day.  It would be easier but it would be cheating my family.

I am going to celebrate Mother’s Day however my children and hubby want to celebrate it.  I will celebrate Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law because she is a great mom and raised a great son.  I will celebrate Mother’s Day with a lump in my throat and try not to get too sad when all I really want is my Mom to be here with me on Mother’s Day.

One Comment, RSS

  1. Martella May 4, 2016 @ 4:07 pm

    I love you, and I’m always here for you, and your siblings if need be. I’m so blessed to have you and all the kids in our life.

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